Welcome to the 2026 National Poetry Month issue of The Account: A Journal of Poetry, Prose, and Thought.
Transformation is a through-line in this issue. From the cherry blossoms in Taylor Franson-Thiel’s “Cardinalis Twice” to the mustangs in Ruth Williams’s “Wild/Tame,” many of the poems you’ll read here involve change, evolution, nature, or metamorphosis. There are poems about surveillance capitalism, summer camp, mothers, midlife aging, love, legends, and letting go.
In their accounts, several of the poets talk about coming back to writing after a time away from it. Lately I’ve been writing hardly at all, though my husband and I have gotten into watching DIY YouTube videos put out by a community of people who simply call themselves “makers.” They do woodworking, 3D printing, crafts, and eccentric engineering projects. One of our favorite channels is a cheerfully bonkers man named Colin Furze who is digging a steel reinforced tunnel under his house and garden—because why not have a trap door in your pantry that leads to a secret passageway? It’s fun.
That is my wish for everyone reading this note. I hope you have fun creating something this spring, whether it’s a poem or a batch of blueberry muffins or an exploding bubble launcher. (See Emily the Engineer for that last one.) I hope you’re able to stay in touch—or get back in touch—with what you enjoy about writing and making. I’m trying to do the same.
This issue is also the last one for our Assistant Poetry Editor L.A. Johnson. We’re deeply grateful to Liz for all of her work over the past three years and for being such an excellent editor and collaborator. We wish her every success as she launches two books: one she edited and one she wrote.Swirl & Vortex: Collected Poemsby Larry Levis is out now, and Liz’s first full length collection,Lost Music, is coming in 2027 from Milkweed Editions.
Thank you all for being here and for joining our community. Let’s embrace, as Megan Pinto writes, “these long days of light.” I hope you enjoy the issue.
Mixed media (acrylics, found images, embroidery thread, charcoal dust), 12x12
From the writer
:: Account::
As a writer and a visual artist, I’m drawn to the way that people exist within landscapes and interact with them. I’m also interested in the way that statuary and sculpture immortalize and memorialize human beings. Placing images of sculpture into imagined landscapes brings those natural and internal worlds together for me. When I came across this image, a Laurana bust of Isabella of Aragon from the 15th century, I was enamored with her expression— a tired wariness, a knowing deflection. Placing her in a dark layered landscape, cut with black insect contrails, made her the perfect centerpiece for a knowing and resigned Mother Earth. A plant with exposed roots covers her mouth— both a silencing and a wordless hope of blooming.
Donna Vorreyer creates and writes in the Chicago area where she hosts the online reading series A Hundred Pitchers of Honey and is co-founder/editor of Asterales: A Journal of Arts & Letters. She is the author of Unrivered (2025), To Everything There Is (2020), Every Love Story is an Apocalypse Story (2016) and A House of Many Windows (2013), all from Sundress Publications. Her mixed media art has been featured on the cover of her book Unrivered as well as in North American Review, Waxwing, Thimble Literary Magazine, Pithead Chapel, Gone Lawn, The Boiler, and other journals. You can find her at http://donnavorreyer.com
In this story, your mother swallowed an egg, screamed,
and birthed a monster. After the fishermen had their way
with her, a mapmaker loved her. Would bring her lace gloves
and lavender perfume. Copper pennies to line her mouth.
She wouldn't be the last thing that crawled from the mud
and learned to fly, but she was the prettiest, once you rinsed
her off in the bath. Once you remembered how the swamp
swallows all sound. A feral stillness filled with wriggling
and writhing things that could kill you. Her feathers were thick
with algae, nails crusted with dirt. Places on her body still
unmapped by his hands even after a decade. Places in her heart
dark and unreachable as a grove of cypress in moonlight.
You'd hide beneath her skirts at the table while she sipped tea
in a room covered in flowers. Lie down under the settee
breathing slow. Soak in the clawfoot tub and cover yourself
in petals. In which you'd make a garden of your body,
in which you'd make a grave.
~
Mostly, you longed to be one of the women
who could carry the sky in her bones. Could curtsy
and shift their weight to the other foot. Could root through
the garden and find only church socials and sweet tea recipes.
Praline sweet and scented like lavender. To be clean and close
to god, who rustled his feathers in the rafters every now
and then, watching as you touched yourself. Everyone touched
by something—holiness, madness—no one knew which.
Hoarding the bones of mice in small piles under the bed. Birthing
tiny eggs you'd hide in the closet, then bury in the ground.
Whether they hatched, you never knew, eaten by snakes or
smashed by starlings. You'd wear sleeves in the summer to hide
the filthy down that covered your arms. Would open your mouth
and something crawly would slip out wriggling and drop to
your desk. You'd stare in horror while the other girls
picked feathers from your hair and cooed.
From the writer
:: Account ::
I’ve repeatedly found that, as my work evolves, the subject of transformation comesup again and again. Specifically women turning into monsters or monsters turninginto women. The idea of transgression and limitation held in balance with freedomand evolution of the self that fascinates me. I’vewritten many poems about womenthat become other things—dog women, mall zombies, bird girls, ravenous vampires.About myths where women are blessed or forced to become deer, sirens, trees. Tobend their shapes into new configurations to escape fear, violence, control. Thisparticular set of poems is set in New Orleans, which is my second favorite city toChicago, and where I probably would live if I could not live here. A city filled withmonsters and ghosts and magic from which the women in these poems emerge,feathered and starving. Setting it in the 1930s is probably a result of repeated theaterviewings of Sinners and an obsession with the Hadestown Broadway soundtrack, butthere is something about the Depression era that resonates with these characters thatseems a perfect fit.
A writer & book artist, Kristy Bowen lives in Chicago, where she creates a variety of poetry hybrid works and experiments that enfold text, visual art, performance, film, and more. She is the author of numerous books, chapbooks, zines, and artists books, including CLOVEN, a new collection of poems and collages centered around the Greek figure of Iphigenia. For the past two decades, she’s blogged about writing, art, horror films, thrifting, and othermiscellany at DULCETLY: NOTESON A BOOKISHLIFE. She also runsDANCINGGIRLPRESS&STUDIO, where she makes and sells all manner of art, books, paper goods and accessories. Raised in the wilds of northern Illinois, she inhabits a beautiful, but drafty, art deco building near the lake with several mongrel cats, her husband, too many books, and a vast collection of thrifted finds—only some of which are haunted.
First, it’s good you’re still alive
even though there’s more of you to love.
I have, however, detected something hidden
worming its way through you.
Have you recently heard a cock crow?
I wouldn’t worry, unless someone brings you
a deathbed beverage. The digital rectal exam
will tell me what I need to know. Are you
still supplementing God’s work with vitamins?
Juggling a dozen pills a day
will keep your mind sharp. I won’t mention
the forty-five pounds you need to lose,
basically a kindergartner. I see
you still breathe heavily, but your hair
seems healthy for a person your age.
Any concerns about the clavicle?
I’m prescribing a cold wind to keep
the fever down. Also gum. You should
subscribe to the Farmer’s Almanac.
A lukewarm cup of tea each evening
will ease your rush-hour tension. Also,
take the solace of darkness, grind it
to a fine powder and stir it into a soup.
This will ungird your simmering tiger.
Now, while I slip into something more synthetic,
go ahead and pull down your pants,
bend over and think about wild geese
soaring above darkening water.
Unlike duck hunting season
this won’t hurt a bit.
:: Evensong with Mid-Life Crisis::
After a night of rest, everything hurts.
My right rear quarter panel reflects light
like a dirty diamond and I know
people sneer at my poor emission standards.
Yesterday in the elevator some
flatulent galoot ripped one and all eyes
turned to me. A child peered through my windows
and left with cold fireplace vibes. I don’t
belong here anymore but the lack of
assassins sustains me, swordfish poised
for the slightest provocation, such as
a throng of hipsters mid-merriment or
white Jesus buried among unhindered
children. The waitress reminds me of my
first sin. I stare at the shimmers in her hair
then accidentally order tulips
and ice water. Before we never see
each other again, I order a moist
cake and mumble about our dessert fathers.
Match by match these candles are lit.
On the way home my windshield inverts a bug,
everything over in a blink. I don’t
belong here anymore. The city moves on.
:: Dark Night of the Spleen::
I’m on my knees on the sanctuary’s
plush kneeler praying for residual
Jesus lining the communion cup,
realizing this is the right amount of faith
for me right now—fumes of Christ,
Christ’s halitosis. Some days
you are not up to it. Do I always
have to prove I’m not a robot
just because I’ve forgotten my password?
Not sure about my blood type, think
my name is Tim. Now that winter is here
autumn should’ve had better music.
The liturgy of wet silk. Alas, fair wretch!
Trumpet, blow! If the music returns to me
here on this kneeler, then I will rise
and remember that I am dust,
and not a bad singer
for such a stretch of desert.
From the writer
:: Account ::
Grief brought me back to poetry in 2017, after a fifteen-year hiatus. Almost every poem I write is infused with grief. Rarely do I sit down to write a specific poem, rather, I sit down and create the space for poetry to happen. The tools: a bowl of my favorite words; spare poetry parts; my journal; the emotional state of the day. Many poets responding to pain through poetry understandably attempt to package the chaos of grief in organized word boxes. I did the same thing in poem after poem, but ultimately that was unsatisfying. Instead, like the expressions of grief in the Book of Job, it seemed more appropriate to share a bit of the chaos instead of trying to contain it.
These poems come from a manuscript titled “When the Crickets Within Me Whisper,” a tangled biography in the wake of grief. Poems like “Dark Night of the Spleen” and “Evensong with Mid-Life Crisis” filter my Catholicism through my addled brain and crumpled sense of humor. Other poems, like “Annual Physical,” take mundane experiences, or Texas experiences, and drive them through the same filter. In my head, I’m a serious person who contemplates serious issues. For some reason, when I write poetry, my rebellious corpuscles show up and commandeer the narrative. This is my fault, for the aforementioned writing process that allows anything to show up and enter the work.
Brian Builta works for the Society of St. Vincent de Paul in Dallas and lives in Arlington, Texas. His poetry has been published most recently in Innisfree Poetry Journal, Dodging the Rain and 3rd Wednesday. He is the author of four collections of poems and more of his poetry can be found at brianbuilta.com.
Before minimum wage increased, & I had to think about taxes
& salaries & little treats, we lived in a neighborhood with three
designs the builders liked to repeat, where I would shoplift
lipsticks down at the local drugstore, the Walgreens where (eventually)
I got a job behind the beauty bar, but often, when we were short-staffed,
I’d sell Marlboro Reds to the local boys with their fake I.D.’s,
or, on Friday nights, cases of Coronas to the men who spent their weeks
sleeping in empty rentals in the city, who’d give me wide smiles
& check out my ass when they thought I wasn’t looking.
Corporate had installed cameras in the rafters, but I could spot them,
too good at hide & seek; so, no one ever caught me swiping colors
on the backs of my hands, or sneaking the bullet tubes into the pockets
of my pants, but when the assistant manager & I were found in the break room
with my top down & his cock out, well —
:: To the Software Engineer Who Has Seen My Sex Tape::
I wonder how you found it.
Was it a chance encounter in an endless stream of files?
Those videos recorded & delivered by the self-driving cars
your company set loose in San Francisco.
Did you get excited? Have fun
watching me, three shots of Buffalo Trace deep,
climbing on top of the man in the backseat
who suggested rawdogging as we accelerated
slowly down Divisadero.
Did you imagine the irony
of touchscreens glued to headrests
begging for five star reviews?
Did you wonder why I did it,
or think of me like one of those girls
starring in a Fake Taxi scene
or patiently waiting for direction
on the casting couch.
Truth is, I did it because I could—
because I was wearing the kind of wrap dress
where all I had to do was push aside the polyester fabric
& tug down the lace cups of my get-lucky bra.
Unbuckle his belt & swing a leg over
his gym rat thighs. For one night, embrace
the thrill of a different life.
Of course, I forgot we could be on camera.
I hope, when you watch it, I look great.
Tits sitting high & back bent just right.
Maybe, I got lucky before you got your copy,
& someone was kind enough to blur my face.
From the writer
:: Account ::
“Sticky Fingers” is a sonnet based on a true story, where I was encouraged to resign from my minimum wage job as a teenager because the (adult) assistant manager and I were caught making out in the breakroom during one of our shared shifts. At the time, I was seventeen and in high school, while the man was twenty-five and had lied to me about his age. While I was punished in response to our actions, he continued to work in that job for years. I think it is interesting how inescapable it can be to be a woman—to be both a sexual object and virginal—depending on who one is interacting with.
“To the Software Engineer Who Has Seen My Sex Tape” is an epistolary piece, addressed specifically to the white collar employees at Waymo in San Francisco. When the cars were initially piloted in the city, the average citizen didn’t have a lot of knowledge about their design, beyond their autonomous nature. Months later, the San Francisco Chronicle published an article about all of the cameras in the vehicles and how many people had been caught having sex inthe cars. It caused me to reflect on the nature of surveillance capitalism, especially within a cityso driven by technology. In a contemporary society where nearly everyone has a camera onthem at all times, we’ve become numb to the strange panopticon we now reside in. Incidentslike sex in robot cars are funny, but representative of the greater invasion of technology intoautonomy.
Jordan Cobb (she/her) is a queer American poet. Based in NYC, she completed her MSc in Creative Writing at the University of Edinburgh. Her work has appeared in The Shore, jmww, The Storms Journal, Rise Up Review, The Columbia Journal, Jet Fuel Review, Camas Magazine, Outskirts Literary Journal, Cherry Tree, and Fugue Journal. She is @on_the_cobb on Instagram.
Cherry blossoms are bonelaced
across the sky and carrying a
northern cardinal nest with babies gun-
shy of flight. Into
whose hand will they fall if
I cannot catch them.
Into which horizon
thick with fingerthin petals
will they leave me
for? A part of me
cannot handle being a human
in spring. The blossoms pink
and dead already in my palm.
What spring knows is
the cardinals will leave
and I will not be able to go
after them. That they cannot tell
the difference between a gun and
my palm. I have only shot
a gun once, at clay pigeons in central Utah.
It was spring and the buckshot splintered
the red clay to white rubble
falling to the dirt like
petals or wings. I asked
is this safe? not sure of
what I meant by this. Each time a shot
rang out, cardinals scattered
like bloodsplatter against the sky.
From the writer
:: Account ::
I am interested in a kind of poetics that does not believe in the binary of the human world and the natural world. A poetics where form, traditional and post-modern, weaves the ecological onto the page. Beyond that my work questions how we name things, and how naming things presents a kind of possession in which our anthropomorphization assumes knowledge about the being (plant or animal), rather than learning from the being how to better engage with our world.
John Shoptaw writes in his essay “Why Ecopoetry?” that ecopoems must be both about nature, and give an urgent unsettling sense of something needing to be done. I think sometimes the thing being done should be pondering how we have come to talk about our landscapes, the animals we harm by overdeveloping, and how we think differently about the plants whos names we do know versus the ones we do not. The pondering itself, the rumination on the human power dynamic within the natural world can be valuable in how in then helps us to move through the world more consciously.
Taylor Franson-Thiel is the author of “Bone Valley Hymnal” (ELJ Editions 2025). She is a developmental and editorial coordinator for Poetry Daily, the Assistant Poetry Editor for phoebe and the EIC of BRAWL. She can be found @TaylorFranson on Twitter, @taylorfthiel on Instagram, @taylorfthiel.bsky.social on BlueSky, and at taylorfranson-thiel.com
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
—Robert Frost
This wavering April weather won’t hold.
Daybreak, I rush for the first train.
Snow lines the road sides; it refrains
from any promises of tree-top gold.
Mother’s nurse called at 5 a.m., the light
a trick on the horizon. This wick
of color that drapes black limbs, a wick
that will be snuffed before I hold
my last return ticket, a glimmer of light
that gives me hope. The northbound train
I ride to her is full of dawn. It pours gold
over nodding heads, a rhythmic refrain
as the scenes change. A lyric’s refrain
she sang to me as a child: I watched a wick
pour wax into the saucer, the gold
pooling around the candle, to hold
it firmly, solid in the cold night. A train
would whisper its distance as light
failed. She soothed me, a trick of light
that let her leave. She taught the refrain
of breath and silence that still trains
my sleep. Passing lights quiver, wick
the worry from the trip. Memory holds
her voice saying my name, her gold
kitchen walls, white curtains against gold
ripple like long petals, a flickering light
that brings April breeze inside and holds
its promise. I promise, my refrain
as I gather my bags, let the wick
of memory pull me off the train
that pauses only a minute, a train
whose clang will be a whisper, a gold
candle for other children tonight, its wick
black ash at dawn, the trick of light
forgiven in dreams. Forgive me, a refrain
I chant to her, as she leaves my hold.
From the writer
:: Account ::
“Her Hospice Nurse Calls” collects memories of caring for my mother, who suffered from dementia in her last years, in one fictionalized final journey forced to move forward by the train, just as her disease forced me to find light in remembrance. With the sestina form, I felt the same insistent movement.
Marcia L. Hurlow’s chapbook of poetry, Dog Physics, was published by Main Street Rag Publishing, fall 2024. Her newest full-length collection, Practice Rapture, was published in May 2025 by Pine Row Press. Her poems have recently appeared or are forthcoming in Baltimore Review, Chiron Review, After Happy Hours, Free State Review, Mudfish, Puerto Del Sol, Relief, and I‑70 Review, among others. She is co-editor-in-chief of Kansas City Review.
My friend, return yourself again to sleep.
Let the night’s rain amend your sleep.
Green leaves at the window brush the door
of the heart, gently attending to sleep.
Is a lapse between two sorrows a kind of joy?
Love’s face seen as prophecy when asleep.
A rupture in thinking mirrors my woe. O,
how I longed for a friend before sleep.
After the long, long day, consciousness
unfurls in a bed of leaves against sleep.
Megan, don’t fear a night’s dark dreams, rest
your mind against the page, then sleep.
:: Light ::
Lay down your woes in these long days of light.
Pale lavender sky, the evening’s play of light.
When did your green first stir my dormancy?
Clouds yielded rain, then a shock of May light.
Shadows across bark, a dance of maple leaves
quiet the mind’s chatter, now swayed by light.
Each morning, I greet my joy, waking to find
your face framed in a warm pane of light.
My soul waits for its summons from its shy
heart, who sees beauty in a disarray of light.
From the writer
:: Account ::
Following the publication and tour of my debut collection, Saints of Little Faith, I needed to find my way back to the page. I wanted to write poems that felt new to me, that pushed me into different kinds of syntaxes and songs. I re-read Agha Shahid Ali’s Call Me Ishmael Tonight and realized that ghazals were a place to start—thematically and musically organized by a refrain vs by a narrative thread that ran through the poem. While I loved narrative poems, and leaned heavily into studying them while writing my first book, I needed to find a counterbalance. I wrote these ghazals in the late summer, moving back and forth between these two and a handful of others. Historically, summer has been a difficult time for me write poems, because I become distracted with travel, parties, etc, but the ghazals felt somehow more nimble. I could work on them one couplet at a time, making slow progress in my notebook that was not quite linear, and yet would come to accrue its own depth.
Megan Pinto is the author of Saints of Little Faith, from Four Way Books (US) and the87press (UK). Her poems can be found or are forthcoming in TheLos Angeles Review of Books, The Academy of American Poets Poem-a-Day, Ploughshares, and on The Slowdown podcast. She has received the Anne Halley Prize from the Massachusetts Review and an Amy Award from Poets & Writers, as well as scholarships and fellowships from the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, the Martha’s Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing, the Port Townsend Writers’ Conference and Storyknife. She lives in Brooklyn.
I refresh the camp registration screen seven times
between 7:59 and 8 am. This is my life now. When
the box goes green, I’m hot out the gate. Session,
name, address, guardians, school, saved payment
method. Fuck yes. By 8:05, she’s set. I used to
do this for concert tickets. Before that, I waited
in line, cash in pocket. Before that, I walked
to the park down the street, made my way
to the picnic tables where kids in neon camp tees
made bracelets. Pretended like I was just curious,
just saying hi, until Amanda whisper-waved me
over, as if sitting close enough to her would make
me invisible to the lip-glossed, ponytailed teens
in charge. I never stayed long enough to learn
the box knot, always left before lunch. Outlaw
in plain sight, I sat straight and did the bit where
I belonged. One time, Chrissy couldn’t take it.
I made a bracelet. I made Amanda laugh. I made
my eyebrows dance at two counselors flirting.
Chrissy’s hand flew up as if it weren’t July but I
leaned fast across the table, whisper-warned her
you better shut the fuck up you fucking baby and
Amanda cackled into her palm and I stood up
because I was about to leave anyway. Walked home
slow. Pet the wet noses of other people’s dogs
though chain link fence. Sang quiet. Then loud.
Sang myself into a different summer, a bigger
story, a farther place where I was alone because
I left on purpose.
From the writer
:: Account ::
I am steeped in childhoods. I am a parent. I am an elementary school teacher. I am a children’s book author. And so perhaps it is not surprising that childhood—imagined, observed, and remembered—also often makes its way into my poetry. The poems in this submission deal mostly with my and my kids’ childhoods. In some, the childhoods are exclusive of one another. In others, my own childhood or even adulthood is clarified through my role as a parent bearing witness to my kids’ experiences. Being a kid is a very big thing. The enormity of that heartache, that love, and that wonder is the thing that makes us. Growing up is a strange and often terrible thing. I don’t really understand grownups who choose to live and work surrounded only by other grownups. Instead, I highly recommend a living that allows constant access to childhood. Even the hard parts.
Mk Smith Despres writes, teaches, and makes art in western Massachusetts. Their poems appear or are forthcoming in Frozen Sea, Hunger Mountain, Radar, Salamander, Southern Humanities Review,and elsewhere. They also writebooks for kids. Their picture book, Night Song, was one of Bank Street’s Best Children’s Books of the Year.
The woman with the wild mustangs
buys them at auction, some as low as $1
if you'll take them, tame them or not, just take them
from BLM land to a place other
than where they’ve always been. In her stalls,
the horses still, they took a saddle,
what the woman calls gentling,
no need for that older, darker word.
Intelligent creatures, horses learn
the pressure of a leg means
go this way, that. When we brush them,
the dirt from their backs
coats our pants and hands
as we work the knots in their hair, pulling hard
with the comb. Still, shifting,
they avoid our feet.
In the fields,
the untamed ones cluster.
Wild creatures, they’re black,
brown, dotted, turn at our approach
like one head bending,
sinuous, elemental.
They know we’ve got food,
chalky man-made rocks
they’ll velvet lip from a hand,
move quickly off.
When does a wild thing pass to tame?
When a woman looks at the horizon,
we say she’s gone far off, but we know
she won’t bolt if we come closer.
These horses have long eyelashes
like women, so it’s easy to believe they’re sad.
When we turn back, the wild ones follow
at a distance, then flood around us,
Are they wild now or tame?
Some will never take a saddle,
others do and will. The horse woman
names the ones she’ll try to gentle next.
I don’t know how she tells the difference.
Is it the tension in a back, the way
the dust rises when they run? These wild horses
know the feel of the earth by hoof.
Soft ground means first light;
hard dirt, sun, no water. Could wet mean mother?
I’m far off now. Their language gentles.
Heartbroken, I can’t say anything.
From the writer
:: Account ::
These poems are part of an on-going, sporadic series I’ve written for years now. It’s not something I’m actively working on, but rather a device I keep coming back to for its generativeprosperities. Each poem bears a title with a slash that I think of as a “hinge” that swings between the two words or phrases on either side. In writing these poems, I run along this hinge, swinging back and forth, exploring the pleasures and pain of being in-between.
Ruth Williams is the author of a poetry collection, Flatlands (Black Lawrence Press) and two chapbooks, Conveyance(Dancing Girl Press) and Nursewifery(Jacar Press). Currently she is a a Associate Professor of English at William Jewell College.
I first met AJ White through his work. His poem “The Poem You Asked For” landed in the submission queue at Overheard, and I remember being struck by its vivid openness and leaps into memory. Readers of The Account may also remember AJ’s work from our Spring 2025 NaPoMo issue, where we had the opportunity to showcase two of his poems.
His debut collection, Blue Loop, won the National Poetry Series, selected by Chelsea Dingman for University of Georgia Press.
The collection navigates the luminous wreckage of addiction and its aftermath with a steadiness that never pretends clarity.
It does not matter what we will be,
only what we refuse to be. — “Blue Loop” (36 pg.)
The collection’s speaker is filled with hard-won wisdom, applying pressure to understanding the world’s logic while still grappling with how to inhabit it.
In late February 2026, AJ and I were in conversation discussing topics ranging from memory and time as literary architecture to the apostrophic “you” as both ethical responsibility and open door.
SCA: AJ! Thanks for doing this. We should probably give some background for the folks at home: since publishing your work, we’ve been digital pen pals. You’ve always said smart and insightful things, so I was interested in taking our conversation outside of a Gmail inbox and into the public sphere.
In an interview with rob mclennan, you mentioned spending a decade working on Blue Loop. I imagine you were a lot of different people during that time. I’m interested in hearing about how you were thinking about memory and time. I’m thinking about individual poems like “No More Stories, No More Meaning,” where we open on an image from the speaker’s childhood—a rabbit in their backyard—then move toward this striking image:
“I am thirty years old lying in sweat & vomit
in a motel in this hometown, stumbling down the street.” (14 pg.)
Yet we end with the revelation:
“after I forget this, after my sister forgets this, after my mother
& father forget this—will this still have happened to me” (14 pg.)
Readers experience a lot of temporal leaps. Memory and the act of remembering seem to hold a vital place in self-making for the speaker.
How did your own relationship to memory shift over that decade of writing, and how did that shape the way you structured these movements through time?
AW: What a brilliant and graceful question, Sean. And not even something we’ve really talked about before in all our conversations! I’m so glad to begin here.
This book—and my current, ongoing work—is more about time than anything else, I think. It’s been difficult to talk about, because my work is perhaps more obviously about other, neighboring concerns: addiction, recovery, loss, meditation, survival.
In the ten years in which the concerns of this book were taking shape, I was moving through different periods in my relationship to my addiction, alcoholism. I moved from what I would call pre-active addiction to active addiction to post-active addiction, which I would call recovery. Through these movements, what I recognized—and, more importantly, what I felt—was the impact of time on my life. Time had (and in many ways still has) a hold on me. I was making frequent, nearly incessant alterations, interruptions, to my plans and life out of different kinds of fears about time (i.e. boredom, anxiety, regret, dread, loss aversion, emptiness … I could go on).
When you are under the sway of any kind of addiction, you are always waiting. You are waiting to use again. You are waiting for the high to wear off and preempting and combatting that by using more. You are then, extraordinarily painfully, when you can’t physically use any more, waiting for the most acute withdrawal effects to subside. These can be deadly and require hospitalization for a heavy drinker. Then, when you are very actively trying to recover—through meetings, therapy, meditation, willpower (none of which worked, on their own, for me, through years of trying to get sober), you are waiting, waiting, waiting to become the person you are trying so hard to become.
After you enter recovery, you are still anxiously waiting, often: anticipating cravings, anticipating relapse. Time anxiety continues to dictate choices and the emotionality of those choices. You have to learn, as the book says, to distract, to delay. These are time maneuvers.
All that is to say: other poets have other obsessions, external powers, or bewilderments they write about. I know what has held my (involuntary) attention and intention for many years. It’s not what I consider a deity. It’s not another human or group of humans. It’s time, and thinking about time, and being anxious about the passage of time, that co-authors my feelings, actions, and subconscious.
I don’t prioritize structuring these thoughts. I don’t consciously structure much about those poems that feel very free-ranging in scope and time. I try to hold all moments together. I remember, I anticipate, I act in the moment. To move between moments in time does not feel like a plan for me. I suppose the side-effect of having time as an obsession is that you also kind of unlock it as a literary weapon. Because you are, anxiously, unstuck in time, you are also poetically unstuck and have ready access to memory and to future anticipatory occurrences: autonomy of movement across time.
SCA: I love this, AJ. I liked the repetition of “waiting” throughout your response here. Blue Loop seems to suggest the inevitability of waiting—waiting as a state of being rather than a means to an end.
In this waiting state, the speaker often finds himself in repetitive reflection: lines are repeated, then followed by new insights. For example, “Lots of theories now I love” is followed by
tomatoes like darkrooms
detonate from inside out
watch the sun’s arms pump
their nectar into flame. — “Blue Loop” (37 pg.)
and later, is followed by “The one where existence is / Transformative happenings” (“Cloud Absolves,” 71 pg.).
In an interview with BingUNews, you coined this as the “self-cento”—a riff on the cento in which lines from elsewhere in the collection return again on the page. It feels especially apt for a book so full of self-reflection.
How did you find yourself writing in this form? What did this repetition afford you in your work?
AW: I would call them self-centos, yes. Cento, from Latin, derives from a word for quilt or piecemeal garment. A cento is quite an old form, but a traditional cento’s poetic quilt, as you say, is made of small pieces of fabric from others’ work, whether they be lines from poems, songs, or other media.
There are lots of references to the work of others in this book, but the self-centos (the five poems titled “Blue Loop” that, together, constitute most of the book’s central section) are there because I was trying to quilt a present-day life together from pieces of both a former (unstable) and a future (stable) life. I wanted them to be right in the middle of the book so that roughly half the lines, at that point, are lines the reader has seen before, while half the lines are lines the reader can anticipate seeing again later in other, so-far-unknown contexts. This technique, honestly, goes back to time: it mirrors, for me, the way the past (longing) and the future (anxiety: or waiting, as you say) impinge equally upon the speaker’s wellness.
This is a version of a story I hear a lot about poets and the forms that make their books unique: I had one self-cento. It was a brand new thing. For a little while it was the book’s first poem. But I was getting feedback, both from others and from myself, that, like, no one knows what this is. It’s all alone, formally. So I wrote the other four self-centos, finally, the day before I submitted this book to its last round of prizes. I knew I had to get them done and in the book. I knew where I wanted them to go. So I printed the whole book out, I underlined and cut out with scissors every super-reactive line I could find, then I started arranging those lines into poems. The poems’ patterns (structure), while not identical, are similar. As a lot of poets and writers also know, when you’re on, you’re on. Especially working with your own favorite lines of your work. You know not only how they operate, but how they can operate.
I like that, in many instances like the one you quote, they show further possibilities of the same language. These poems are about you (the former partner, one subject of the speaker’s longing) in a later poem becomes, in a blue loop: these poems are about you: the past you cannot see clearly, & the future you cannot see through. Time, again, as a primary subject of the book.
SCA: That’s awesome, AJ. I liked how you brought your process into the physical world with the scissors and collage method. The whole process of using your own reactive line(s) to turn on the writing, or hit a type of flow state, feels like a good start to a writing prompt.
The end of your response brought me to another point I wanted to discuss: the “you” throughout your work. There are poems like “We Were Never Really Going to Get Away” where the “you” feels concretely legible to the reader:
we had been apart a few months
the last time I saw you I let you
know I had been sober 8 weeks
for the first time in 8 years you
said fantastic we had coffee you
said you look good where did
you get that shirt you said do
you want to get a drink you
said you know we were never
really going to get away
-“We Were Never Really Going to Get Away” (13 pg.)
But elsewhere, such as in “The Poem You Asked For,” the “you” is multifaceted: the former self, loved ones, maybe even a call to society at large. I’m thinking about moments in Blue Loop where the speaker and the “you” seem to operate as one, the speaker projecting onto the “you,” versus moments where the “you” carries different logics and intentions than the speaker.
I wondered how the “you operates” in both the writing and the writing process as a whole. I was thinking about the “you” vs. the speaker and how the two operated as one (the speaker projecting for the “you”) but how the “you” may operate with a different way of thinking as the speaker in the world of the collection.
AW: I love this question. I especially love the generosity (and wisdom) to ask about the “you” not just in the operation of the poem, but the operation of “you” in a poet’s writing process.
I think about the pronoun “you” in the context of verse poetics constantly. I clearly also think about it differently than many others, because while this question has come up, in many different forms, relatively often, it’s not a question I ask myself. The way poetry-creation works in my mind, it’s like asking a carpenter or a bricklayer why they use the same nail or the same mortar again and again. It’s the right nail; it’s the right mortar: it works.
I also try to describe it thusly: “you” is similar to “god” to me. In the context of literature, “god” is an allusion that describes, within one simple word, a very cogent relational situation that invokes power and knowledge discrepancies. “You” is an efficient, short pronoun that very cogently evokes a very wide, useful range of relational values in poetry: intimacy, direct address, familiarity, generosity, personhood, ongoingness. It also carries a kind of situational irony that I like for my work: the reader knows the “you” is not present, but the poet keeps addressing this “you” as if they, in some way, are. As a poet, you get the benefit of all these associations plus that tension simply by using the word.
Then, further, using “you” demands responsibility of the poet. As you say, the real “you” does have different logics, intentions, selfhood, and probably an entirely different take on events than does the speaker. I have to craft poems to a “you” that take into account the you’s perspective, even though that perspective is inaccessible to me. I like and need that responsibility.
Finally, as is always my intention in poems, rather than keeping readers out, “you” invites readers in. “You” is open. You know many “you”s. If a poet writes “my son,” “my husband,” “dear beloved,” it forecloses possibilities. No one reads a poem by Sappho, or by Emily Dickinson, or by Jean Valentine, and is, like, without knowing who these yous are, I can’t enter the poem. We can enter the poem more fully not knowing, or partially knowing. Poetry is about what we don’t know.
Most of the poems in question are iterations of apostrophic verse, also called, simply, apostrophe. Apostrophe is another ancient form in which someone or something dead or absent is addressed as if it or they is/are present. We don’t practice apostrophic verse so often these days as we do elegy, say, so it feels a little strained to us, perhaps. Or, as you say, the strain comes when the poet juxtaposes apostrophe with poems that use “you” less concretely and without signaling that shift. All my “you”s are apostrophic, though. The former self, the future self, the reader, the beloved, family members who have passed on, figures of authority: these “you”s are inaccessible. And yet, and yet. Using “you” brings them back and, usefully, often painfully, close.
SCA: Yeah, I love thinking about the “you” as both a responsibility for the poet and a doorway for the poem: very smart.
Okay, last question. I had a lot of different directions for this, but your responses throughout led me to think about your implementation of research. In a reading of “The Suscitation of God”, you mentioned your interest in Buddhist meditation guides. The title of the collection is named after an astronomy abnormality. Even in this interview alone, you’ve mentioned Latin roots and ancient forms. Clearly there’s a lot of pre-work work being done here before the pen hits the page.
How does research work its way into your writing process? And how did poetry become the “product” as opposed to other forms of writing.
AW: Research is life! My desire to know and—much more importantly, to understand—is insatiable. So much so that, in fact, I think it absolutely informed or contributed to my illness. If you are never satisfied in your immense lack of understanding of people and events, you may turn to unhealthy outlets to cope with that dissatisfaction or consider it a personal defect, if you are a consistently self-critical person.
And yet, I find practicing poetry so peaceful because intellectual knowledge must take a back seat, in poems. It must inform, shape, outline, but not be the vehicle of delivery. The vehicle of delivery, of course, must be an emotional experience that is also a bridge or network between poet, speaker, language, and reader.
Another poem in the book, “Letter of Six Intentions,” follows the Buddhist guru Tilopa’s seven-word, complete guide to how to live with intention, peace, and toward enlightenment (and toward a practice called Mahamudra—or the experience of mind-emptiness). It is:
1) Don’t Recall (don’t live in the past)
2) Don’t Imagine (don’t live anticipating the future)
3) Don’t Think (don’t live through intellectualization)
4) Don’t Examine (don’t analyze, like for cause and effect)
5) Don’t Control (seems obvious)
6) Rest (is obvious)
This teaching is very very difficult to practice! Most of my actions and reactions invoke, automatically, several discouraged tendencies at once. I love, of course, and find shelter in knowing that there is only one thing we are encouraged to do—we should all seek more rest.
Poetry, again, is a way of living, thinking, feeling, and practice that encourages and enables me, however, to live closer to these guidelines. I have always taken on intellectual information and formed and reformed paradigms very easily. That’s part, both, of who I am and of who I intend, daily, to be. But I also need balance. I need ways to live less connected to ideas and more connected to feelings and to emotional knowledge and wisdom, both mine and others’. Poetry helps me do that, because an increasingly intellectual poem is not an increasingly successful poem. A poem that feels ever more deeply, richly, originally, authentically: that is how our treasured art advances.
AJ White is a poet and educator from Georgia. AJ’s debut poetry collection, BlueLoop, was selected for the National Poetry Series by Chelsea Dingman and published by University of Georgia Press. AJ has won the Fugue Poetry Prize, The Willie Morris Award for Southern Poetry, and received support from the Sewanee Writers’ Conference. His poems have been published recently in The Account, Best New Poets, Blackbird, Overheard, West Trade Review, and elsewhere. AJ lives and teaches creative writing in New York.